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I just realized something startling today: I think living/working in a big city might actually be something I'd enjoy. I've still never been to a big city, but walking through downtown St. Louis today between classy tall buildings, surrounded by well-dressed professionals, gave me this feeling of cool that I'd never noticed before. It's kind of akin to the feeling I get from holding a cold bottle of beer—I just felt subtly sharper in some intangible way.

It's odd to realize that there are all these associations that I wasn't even aware of permeating my consciousness. I guess this is what happens when one finally experiences these images that for years only seemed to exist in movies and television commercials. All of a sudden, I can visualize myself pursuing dozens of avenues I'd never seriously considered before. The thought is, "Say, there's nothing that's off-limits to me anymore, is there?"

And along much the same lines, these little subtle things I've started doing when I see attractive people, namely making eye contact, smiling, and sometimes even winking, if the mood strikes, seem to be paying off. (Stories available on request.) Who knew it was so easy to meet people?

I've been an Ail U. student for three years now—and only recently have I seriously begun to consider living [more] like one. Sure, there are still Ail U. student traits that I don't want to pick up. I don't want to abandon my integrity, nor do I want to don some kind of über-sophisticated persona. I still value sincerity, and I'm still myself. I retain my judgment. It's just occurred to me that I really can lead a life of adventure if I feel like it.

- - -

"It's an unbelievable thing. Wearing this suit actually makes me feel like a better person."
—Jack Campbell, The Family Man

6:43 pm, July 15, 2005 :: erstwhile

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