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I just need to relax.

I needn't be afraid of myself.

I know what I'm bringing to the table with this one.

I know old patterns won't mysteriously overtake me in the night.

And I know better than to think that my big mouth will ruin everything for me.

This one is of course worth watching my mouth for, and it's well worth guarding myself against old patterns for. This one's important. But this is supposed to be fun—I can't work myself into a frenzy of worry over every verbal faux pas, neh?

When I get done being sick this time, I'm going to go ahead and depress my nervous system with some quantity of alcohol so I can escape my own head for a while. Just as I needed the clarity caffeine brings, I'm also gonna need some-a-that fuzz.

3:50 pm, April 15, 2007 :: erstwhile

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